the wall

finally made it to the top, but apparently it doesn't count.
on my way to the ground, i was told by jesse the instructor that i could "count it in my mind" but it didn't really count unless i did it without falling (i fell twice at the blue hold and the yellow hold). darn.

he said, "i think you don't want to fall unless you know you're going to fall. you start going for it and then halfway there you hesitate and get tired." so true. he wants me to climb without ropes. i don't think i like that idea.

i always come too early to class and see the little kids finishing up. they always climb right up to the top. they're amazing...and all over the place. nothing seems to hold them back. meanwhile, here i am, clinging to the wall. i'm plagued by so much self-doubt that i drive myself crazy sometimes. why are little kids so much better at some things we struggle to do as adults?

i did finish (i mean really finish) an easier problem set today on another wall. making progress? maybe. i know i won't be satisfied until i master that other wall.