not pleasant. i went up a dress size. actually two. and i hate to say it, but i'm feeling...the f word (the one with three letters, not four). it's awful when the dress that looked so big on the hanger suddenly turns into the incredible shrinking dress, and the material is straining over shoulders and hips. meanwhile the zipper is staring across the distance to the other side, and flatly saying, "not a chance. just give up and get out while you still can."
why do women hold themselves so small? figuratively, not literally, i mean. the other day i overheard a coworker (who must be all of size double zero) saying to two other women, "i was looking at myself in the mirror and i was huge", or something to that effect, as the other women swiftly and reassuringly protested, "no, no, you're so tiny!!" i pretended i had suddenly gone deaf.
i'm just as bad though. logic tells me i'm not defined by a dress size. yet illogically, all i can think about is how i can get back to where i was...two dress sizes smaller. as if everything would magically be wonderful...i need to snap out of this craziness. i'm obsessing about this after having just met one of the leaders of the breast cancer board i've been lurking on this month. the women on this board are powerful, inspirational, amazing...their stories make me cry. and this woman was no exception. full of energy, talking a mile a minute, she was so excited to be giving and helping others...and clearly grateful for the right here and now, living in the moment.
i need to volunteer more.
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