so this is what it feels like...

sitting in a conference room i've never been in, i hear, "as you know" and "we've made some changes." "it's not personal." it's not you, it's me, i add silently. hr starts going over the paperwork and legalese, but my brain has stopped functioning. her mouth is moving and words are coming out, but i can't seem to hear or process anything she's saying. i wonder if this is how people feel when they're first diagnosed with something like cancer; this must be why they're advised to bring a recorder or a friend. everything goes numb after the first few minutes or so, including your hearing.

so this is what it feels like to be pink-slipped. i've often wondered. and after the initial shock wears off, it's really not so awful. in fact, i'd even venture to say, this isn't awful at all. after months, heck, years of dodging waves of layoffs, i finally felt like my time was running out. only a few weeks ago, i told my friends that we might be hanging out a lot more, and not just during the holidays...with rumors of yet another round coming up, my coworkers and i were walking around wondering when exactly the axe would fall. before the holidays, of course, like always (gotta make those q4 numbers!), but was today the day? perhaps tomorrow? it ended up being on a monday (they must have decided to switch it up a little). but for me, the waiting and worrying ended up being worse than the act itself.

a week ago, i was dreading yet another monday in the office. yesterday morning, or about 14 hours ago, i was running a marathon. in a few hours, i'll be on a plane to s america...and after that? starting another chapter in my life. somehow, it all feels right...it's time to move on.