gravitas

today was my last day at a place where i've worked at for the past 3 years. walking down 7th avenue this morning, i was wildly thinking ...what did i just get myself into?! what am i doing?!!!

the rest of the day was no better....while tossing old files and packing up my things, feeling frantic with the knowledge of all the last minute things i had to do, and scurrying around saying my goodbyes, i didn't feel the sweet satisfaction that i thought would/should stem from knowing it was my last day in the office. shedding a few crocodile tears was always a slight possibility (my crumpled tissue was evidence that it was way more than a few), but i didn't expect to be this sad.

the last moments in the office...were spent emailing right up until 7:30pm--at which point i finally had to force myself to stop and shut down my computer. i didn't wrap up everything nicely the way i had intended to (it was more sloppy than anything) and just had to admit there were some things that were going to be left undone.

3 years ago already seems like a lifetime away; so much has changed since then. it's a little hard to believe this path that i've been down...and now, like alice, i can go any which way from here.

Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the cat.
I don’t much care where, said Alice.
Then it doesn’t matter, said the cat.
--so long as I get somewhere, Alice added as an explanation.
Oh, you're sure to do that, said the Cat, if you only walk long enough.

so here i am trying to let go....i have to say it's a lot tougher than i thought it would be. but then again i guess change doesn't come with staying in your comfort zone...and it's not for the faint of heart. or is it? as my brother pointed out: i'm either really, really brave, or i'm really, really crazy. i'm pretty sure it's not the former.